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They add up the value of what you have, then take away the value of what you owe. If the balance is negative, you will split the debt with him. If it is a positive balance, you will split that too. DO NOT tell the abuser you are leaving them. A lot of these men go into overdrive with the abuse when you make it known you are outta here. Some will even kill you, it happens every day, sadly.

Start making a plan, put aside cash, credit cards, important papers. Set a date, and then be gone. Your so called friends might not be real friends, and could tip off your abuser just for the jollies and drama. Worried about my daughter…shes 19, married to a 43 year old, and pregnant. The last time she called it was her broken jaw…geeeese…how could someone do that to her?

How come she forgave him? The time before that was a broken finger. And shes falling for it! The whole thing just disturbs me in every way!!! An abuser does not want any other family member or anyone around that can help the victim so he can keep controlling. Angel, my now ex husband would get mad and would become verbally inappropriate because I called my parents.

He would say I can talk to everyone else but not him. He would rant and rave as early as 6 am daily.

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He told mychdren I was suicidal and I had a boyfriend. I was always a happy person but I fell in a depression and withdrew from family and friends. I began changing me trying to make him happy and no matter what I tried to do it was always wrong! Glad I found the courage and strength to file for divorce. Why is this all aimed at men. But I love her so much.

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Yes, Phil, that sounds like abuse. Look, this post is much later, but I just wanted to comment. Do not turn your back on your daughter. In fact, keep your nose in their business, take your daughter aside and feed her the opposite of what he is saying, at least some of it might sink in.

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  8. If he wins, he will only abuse her more. This may save her life. I live with a narcissist that is brutal with his mouth.

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    I am broke in every way and scared. Right now I just want to go to sleep. Pray to the Lord to help you make a decision, YOU have to or you will continue to live under his control!!!!!! Hard to stay but even harder to leave.

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    Just left on may 20th after 16 yrs of abuse. Go to work and home everyday for years and have no friends only 3 kids and his niece since she was 8. Do nothing that I think will upset him constantly thinking what will he say what will he think if I…. Can I get in the car and have a conversation with my husband, not without being driven around the block being yelled at the whole time being called a back stabbing hoe a sneaky bitch a piece of shit. Never knew my kids felt the same fear and uneasyness as myself.

    Never knew how much despair and fear and anguish and nervous they constantly felt. Will not turn my back on them again.

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    I just want him to go to domestic violence program so he can learn his root of anger, but I will never trust him again with mine or my kids feeling. It ducking sucks so hard I have to let him pass this stage of abandonment to the stage of understanding. I so do love him but I must love my kids and self first. By the way his niece came with me shes wore out too she was a hoe everyday too 24 year old virgin, and with an uncle like that she probably always will be now she knows what a relationship has in store.

    My poor kids. I recognize many of these behaviors in my immediate family, with the exception of the sexual and injury-causing physical-abuse behaviors. Since we were raised in church, few cuss-words have been used; but cumulatively, the behavior of almost my entire family — particularly my three sisters — towards me from the time I was a small child has served to demean me and make me feel worthless, hopeless, incompetent and alone. The word-games and insinuated insults are all too familiar. I am not a perfect sister or daughter. Nor do I mean to suggest that my life is in danger, or put my situation in the exact same category as those above.

    I am also the smallest of stature in my family. A lot of the physical aspects of the hurtful behavior have died down since my mid-teens, largely, it seems, because I mostly caught up to my mother in size. However, I can say that my parents were excessive in their physical discipline — most often my mother, so there were no broken bones or trips to the ER.

    But I can recount several occasions as a child where my mom kept me home from school or swimming lessons because there were marks on my body, somewhere that showed. The more major things have pretty much stopped since my mid-teens, but my father still threatens with his words and occasionally manhandles.

    He has been threatening to kick me out of the house for whatever reason since I was about seven years old, even going so far on occasion as to shove me out the front door and toss out some of my things after me. The most harmful overall, however — although exacerbated by the physical things — have been the words and attitudes. Some of these things have been stated out loud, others frequently implied. I used to sit at the dinner table with my family and listen to my sisters bring up, analyze, and laugh at all the silly, awkward, or embarrassing things I had pretty much ever done, and generally criticize and insult me, with total disregard for my feelings — all with my parents sitting there, rarely saying a word.

    This was almost every night — for years. They especially loved to break out their best lines in front of a group of strangers or their friends for their amusement, like shredding my self-esteem was some party trick. And imagine hearing this kind of criticism about yourself continually, during some of the most impressionable years of your life. The criticism made me feel hurt, angry and worthless; part of me believes it in spite of my efforts to convince myself otherwise.

    Yet to show any reaction or outburst crying, yelling that boils up inside me would seem to confirm the things that they say. Any attempt to defend myself or retaliate has been overwhelmed by sheer numbers and volume. The collective weight of it all has left me feeling unable to trust or make friends, making it even more difficult for me to find worth in myself as a person. While all these things have lessened in the last couple of years, they have never been resolved, and I cannot tell you the devastation they have caused.

    And maybe I am feeling sorry for myself. Having only one person that does this in your family, most people could probably deal with. What I want to know is how I can deal with it. The details just seemed to come out.